Aloha! Yesterday we chatted about spirituality ... it reminded me of Dee DeTarsio's HAOLE WOOD. This small town romance with a cozy mystery is sprinkled with a giant spirit, er, Guardian Angel who helps the heroine finds her way. I invited Dee to be my guest today ... and she prepared a funny post!
Fifty Shades of Kitty Litter
I was going to do a guest post for Kim in Hawaii on eOrgasms (Mahalo!) to spice things up, but I sat in front of my laptop for such an embarrassing amount of time, nothing came. Har har. I wish I could write erotica. I hear it pays well.
I apologize–this is strangely personal for someone you’ve never met. Let me digress. I grew up in Ennui, Ohio. (Which is a joke.) (Because it gives far too much credit to my hometown.) Anyway, back home, they don’t talk much about their feelings, so you can bet the farm you’re going to hear nothing of their feelings. Tingling, twitching, tightening, grinding, clutching and shifting are all reserved for some guy named John Deere.
Call me suppressed, call me superstitious, just don’t call me sexy because every time I write that adjective I turn fifty shades of red and can’t stop giggling inappropriately, like that time a little boy in church several pews over blew his nose on his mom’s Easter dress and she didn’t know it. That’s funny. No, it’s not. (If you say the last part fast it’s kind of funny.)
I’m trying. I call my husband beditor because he thinks all my novels should be more risque. While every writer shares intimacy, some just have better vocabularies, imaginations, and experiences than others (and I’m not calling anybody s-to-the-lutty, here).
Throbbing members just make me laugh and remind me of pitiful chalkboard drawings from the seventh grade health and human hygiene talk. To this day I still crack up whenever I see the cover of Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears A Who.
I’m up for the challenge, though I have some work to do. My bra and underwear don’t match. Sometimes, I speed race into my jammies before my husband sees an elbow or something and gets any ideas. But for the record: I put out when my husband takes out . . . the kitty litter. Now that’s sexy!
We can’t all be Nympho-Ninjas--what are some of your favorite things that, you know, insert euphemism here . . . Somebody, please help me out!
Dee DeTarsio is a writer living in southern California. (There are some good parts in her new novel, Haole Wood! Mahalo!) To learn more about Dee DeTarsio and her books, check out her blog at deedetarsio.wordpress.com.
Dee gave me the honor of reviewing HAOLE WOOD. The name becomes clear as you read this story of a San Diego weather reporter who reconnects with her Hawaiian heritage in Maui. I posted my review on Amazon at this link and Goodreads and this link. This is a must read for all Hawaii lovers! I am giving away an ecopy of HAOLE WOOD to one randomly selected commenter. To enter the giveaway,
1. What's your favorite Dr. Seuss character or book?
(I know, we should talk about sex, but my mother in law reads this blog).
My favorite character is the dog from THE GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS.
2. This giveaway is open to all readers.
3. Comments are open through Saturday, July 14, 10 pm in Hawaii. I'll post the winner on July 15.