Aloha! Yesterday we chatted about spirituality ... it reminded me of Dee DeTarsio's HAOLE WOOD. This small town romance with a cozy mystery is sprinkled with a giant spirit, er, Guardian Angel who helps the heroine finds her way. I invited Dee to be my guest today ... and she prepared a funny post!
Fifty Shades of Kitty Litter
I was going to do a guest post for Kim in Hawaii on eOrgasms (Mahalo!) to spice things up, but I sat in front of my laptop for such an embarrassing amount of time, nothing came. Har har. I wish I could write erotica. I hear it pays well.
I apologize–this is strangely personal for someone you’ve never met. Let me digress. I grew up in Ennui, Ohio. (Which is a joke.) (Because it gives far too much credit to my hometown.) Anyway, back home, they don’t talk much about their feelings, so you can bet the farm you’re going to hear nothing of their feelings. Tingling, twitching, tightening, grinding, clutching and shifting are all reserved for some guy named John Deere.
Call me suppressed, call me superstitious, just don’t call me sexy because every time I write that adjective I turn fifty shades of red and can’t stop giggling inappropriately, like that time a little boy in church several pews over blew his nose on his mom’s Easter dress and she didn’t know it. That’s funny. No, it’s not. (If you say the last part fast it’s kind of funny.)
I’m trying. I call my husband beditor because he thinks all my novels should be more risque. While every writer shares intimacy, some just have better vocabularies, imaginations, and experiences than others (and I’m not calling anybody s-to-the-lutty, here).
Throbbing members just make me laugh and remind me of pitiful chalkboard drawings from the seventh grade health and human hygiene talk. To this day I still crack up whenever I see the cover of Dr. Seuss’s Horton Hears A Who.
I’m up for the challenge, though I have some work to do. My bra and underwear don’t match. Sometimes, I speed race into my jammies before my husband sees an elbow or something and gets any ideas. But for the record: I put out when my husband takes out . . . the kitty litter. Now that’s sexy!
We can’t all be Nympho-Ninjas--what are some of your favorite things that, you know, insert euphemism here . . . Somebody, please help me out!
Dee DeTarsio is a writer living in southern California. (There are some good parts in her new novel, Haole Wood! Mahalo!) To learn more about Dee DeTarsio and her books, check out her blog at deedetarsio.wordpress.com.
Dee gave me the honor of reviewing HAOLE WOOD. The name becomes clear as you read this story of a San Diego weather reporter who reconnects with her Hawaiian heritage in Maui. I posted my review on Amazon at this link and Goodreads and this link. This is a must read for all Hawaii lovers! I am giving away an ecopy of HAOLE WOOD to one randomly selected commenter. To enter the giveaway,
1. What's your favorite Dr. Seuss character or book?
(I know, we should talk about sex, but my mother in law reads this blog).
My favorite character is the dog from THE GRINCH WHO STOLE CHRISTMAS.
2. This giveaway is open to all readers.
3. Comments are open through Saturday, July 14, 10 pm in Hawaii. I'll post the winner on July 15.
I don't have a favorite character. :(ReplyDelete
my is elephant :)ReplyDelete
Mahalo, Kim! Thanks so much for hosting and posting! I am so glad you enjoyed Haole Wood, I had a lot of fun with it! (For the record, I am partial to Green Eggs and Ham!) Aloha! xoxoReplyDelete
Okay, that dang dog was pretty dang loveable, Kim. Can't think of a character I like better than him. Dee, what's not to love here? You hit so many high points: good John Deere vibrations, snot-blowing giggles, members-only mammories of school, and, last but not least, sexual bribery! Truly a masterwork for the ages, my hilarious friend.ReplyDelete
LOL Good post. I'm right there with you. I don't think I could write a love scene. I agree with Vaughn, my favorite is the dog but i also like the Lorax.ReplyDelete
My favorite character is HOP ON POP!!! First book I ever read, and when I was an Elementary School Librarian...(my married name is MRs. Reed!) I would read a seuss book a month, and it was so fun to see the Kindergarten kids reading with you by the end of the book!!! What fun we had! Thanks Dee...for such wonderful reading without sex...(I, too am from Ennui, and my husband gets lucky when he does the laundry, and I mean all of the laundry, washing, drying and putting away!) Keep writing lovely lady!ReplyDelete
sorry I didn't publish my name, did not understandDelete
Some people have excellent memories and remember things like Dr. Seuss. I'm one of those that is challenged when it comes to those memories and it always really irked my mother. She got quite irritated at me the last time I mentioned that I didn't remember all those times she read to me as a child...alas, sorry, Mom. That's a long way of saying I don't have a favorite Dr. S. character. Although, I have recently read Haole Wood and can say that I do remember that. It's a fun read and if you love Hawaii, it's double the fun!ReplyDelete
I KNOW Dr. Seuss books! I read them to the grandkids daily. My favorite is "Because a Little Bug Went Kachoo." Grandson's fav is "Go Dog Go," while granddaughter prefers "Green Eggs and Ham."ReplyDelete
P.S. the Grinch's dog is named Max. Thanks for a fun post.
I am curious about the book title! I also like the dog!ReplyDelete
Goodness, Dee hits home with those Americana icons - John Deere, Dr. Seuss, and sex! Haole Wood sounds like fun. Then again, anything in Hawaii is fun!ReplyDelete
I like the Grinch... I am also reading the One Fish, Two Fishes book to my daughter quite a bit too. :)ReplyDelete
I still can't talk about sex in the presence of my parents and relatives...
I don't have a favorite Dr Seuss character.ReplyDelete
Haole Wood sounds like a great read.
Wonderful sense of humor! Well, I guess I really have to go with The Cat in the Hat lol. I like all his books and stories. I especially like the Butter Battle Book lol.ReplyDelete
The Cat in the HatReplyDelete
That was a great post. I just love it when a blog post can make me laugh. I think my favorite book will always be green Eggs and Ham..it's gross and funny at the same time.ReplyDelete
I've always been partial to Green Eggs and Ham. Goodness...brings back memories of reading that book with my mom when I was a kid.ReplyDelete
Hi Kim and Dee!ReplyDelete
According to my older son who is 38 the two things that are important in the world are John Deere and Dr. Suess!
My favorite Dr. Suess book is actually the ABC book because Dr. Suess taught both my sons how to read! Does this sound familiar?
Big A, little a, what begins with A? Aunt Allie's alligator AAA.
Both sons could read by the time they were 3 and were the only one in their pre-school classes who already could recognize the entire alphabet (small and capitol case letters!).
If course the problem with this is that they were easily bored in English class all the way through High School especially since they both read The Trilogy of the Rings when they were in 5th grade! I wish I could blame their lack of interest in reading the books their teachers assigned as being because they were both Rhodes Scholar material but they simply loved to read!
On the other hand I blame the love for John Deer and everything green on my husband's shoulders! I bought them books and he bought them green tractors (the small kid size not the ones you see in the fields plowing)! Guess what color and type of vehicle they bought for their "first" ride? Nope, not a John Deere tractor but it was a truck of the same color!
I am one of those people with a faulty memory and don't remember reading - myself or to my daughter - Dr. Suess books. The one I know best is The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.ReplyDelete
I did recently read 'Til Somebody Loves You (loved it) and have the Scent of Jade in my TBR stack.
The Grinch Who Stole Christmas was also one of my favorite reads to the children.ReplyDelete
I enjoyed Dee's post, she made me laugh. I can relate to a lot of things that she mentioned. lol
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